Chronic pain is often approached with frustration and resistance. But what if we could relate to it differently—not as something to battle, but as a messenger trying to protect us? Using the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, we can gently turn toward pain and ask: What do you need me to understand?
A Simple Guided Exercise
1. Settle In
Find a quiet space and become aware of your breath and body.
2. Locate the Pain
Gently bring attention to where the pain resides in your body. Describe it without judgment: sharp, dull, heavy, hot?
3. Turn Toward It
Instead of resisting, try getting curious:
- “How do you want me to see you?”
- “What do you want me to know?”
4. Ask About Its Purpose
- “What are you trying to do for me?”
- “What are you protecting me from?”
5. Listen
The response might come as a word, image, emotion, or sensation. Let it arise without editing.
6. Offer Compassion
Thank the pain for its role. Ask:
- “What do you need from me to feel heard?”
- “How can I help you feel supported?”
7. Make an Agreement
If it’s open, offer to check in again or seek the support it needs.
A Real-Life Example: Shoulder Pain as Protector
One client had chronic shoulder pain that persisted despite treatment. Through this IFS-style dialogue, she realized the pain surfaced when she became the primary caregiver for a family member. The pain was a part of her trying to keep everything under control. Once acknowledged and thanked, the part began to soften. Her relationship to her body shifted—from adversary to ally.
Conclusion:
This practice may not remove pain overnight, but it can transform how we hold it. In many cases, the pain is not just physical—it’s emotional, protective, and wise.
Try the practice, and let me know what your pain has to say.